oubliette

I'm locked in an oubliette of wasted time and unmetered rhyme. My fingers all torn and bloody from trying to get through to the other side. The other side where all my memories and all my thoughts are without me. My nails long since sacrificed to this unforgiving granite wall. I keep chewing on them to ease the pain.

Give in

The pain is so great today. I can hear nothing but the song of the sweet suckling seraphim. Like honey I'm attracting black flies and I can't hear anything but the constant buzzing as they swarm around me. Deafening in their silence. Leaching every bit of desire I have left. My skin is stretching tight over my bones as I feel the drawing down of fleshy bits in between. Hungry bitches. I can feel someone tapping my shoulder to remind me not to give in but she is getting drowned out by the angel chorus. All I have is pain left over and none of it good. Today I would be typical.

Can you feel that? Give in

I want to remember to want to remember. I don't want to slip into indifference. I am teetering on the brink of nothing and nothing is not the lack of something .. .it is everything and it wants to eat me alive and that scares the shit out of me.

Give in

I remember there is someone who can help me. Who can spark the combustion. But every time I try to remember who she is all I see is her eyes. When I try to focus too closely on them, they are beautiful by the way ... they fade and dissolve and she is gone again.

Give in

I wonder what she wants from me. I don't seem to have whatever it is. Ah .. I almost remembered her there for a moment, but she escapes me.

Give in

The sickness is spreading. He is closer and he takes over everything remaking it into his image. His image is pleasing but it is only skin deep. Why can't they all see that? Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to be him. Perhaps they wouldn't think of me as such a freak. I could pretend to be normal.

Give in

I pull the mirror out from under my couch to see if it is still me looking back or if it is him. What unholy alliance have I made? What have I done? All in the attempt to be less alone. But I never bargained for this. Today I have his smile. I practice it in the mirror to see if it looks good on me.

Give in

I want to leave but every time the door appears and I try to get through it I end up right back here where I started. Over and over again. There is no leaving this sepulcher. I am trapped here. Is there someone on the outside that has the other half of me? Am I someone's scapegoat? Am I all the bad so they can be a good. I saw a good once. I wanted to touch her but she was too high.

Give in

I tripped over the belt this time on my way to the door. Ah .. I remember the belt. I wonder if it will help. Is it my key out of this tomb?

Give in