papa's got a brand new bag

Alright,
now listen, baby

You don't care for me
I don'-a care about that
Gotta new fool, ha!
I like it like that

I have only one burning desire
Let me stand next to your fire

Listen here, baby
and stop acting so crazy
You say your mum ain't home,
it ain't my concern,
Just play with me and you won't get burned

I have only one itching desire
Let me stand next to your fire

You try to gimme your money
you better save it, babe
Save it for your rainy day

I have only one burning desire
Let me stand next to your fire
-Hendrix

I saw her again today. I was right. She is like a drug. No, perhaps I should say she is like the promise of a drug. I am not sure which is more luring. The promise, or the culmination. But I will not deny there is a draw to her. She warms the frozen edges of my emotions. I don't exactly feel, but I think if I just stay long enough I might. For me that in itself is a heady mixture. I want to learn more. I can't use the word desire for the word desire breathes, it feels, it exists ... but not for me.

In the puppeteering of my expressions I have noticed a penchant for mimicking hers. I am not sure yet if she has noticed or not. But you see, she picks up emotions like discarded lucky pennies. And she does not care if they are face up or down. Talking to her on the street was like wading through the crowd. I felt like I was talking to a hundred different people all contained in one not unattractive package. She is a candy store of feelings. Some of them are her own but many are from others. People passing us left odd colors on her aura like passing a magnet over a computer or TV screen. We are mirror opposites. I am empty and she is cracked and bleeding with it all. I don't mean to say that she is insane. If she is she can pretend she is not with the best of us.

I feel like a gargoyle waiting on some tower corner, guarding the castle. I must wonder if there will be a time I come to life and fulfill whatever purpose I was made for.

Clarity is still mine. I am enjoying the clean window for now. But with clarity comes reality and reality is making it clear I must do something for money.. coin. That thing that buys survival. And I must do it before the window starts to darken. I feel the anxiety invading my calm. There is much I need to accomplish.