variation on depravation

There are a lot of things that have happened to me since I came to Gor. A lot of situations I have survived and pushed my way through. Yet I still find myself seeking that which will cause me to feel. So much of it slips passed me. Or at least does not impact me as much as I would like it to. Perhaps it is only my suffering from this ... depravation chamber.

Now before you go and judge that statement let me explain just a little. The moral essence of this place is much different than on earth. At least the time frame that I was on earth. Perhaps closer to the Romans and Greeks if I had to compare. But that is not the entirety of my point. More so I find that morally I am discovering myself less odd ... which makes me uncomfortable and nervous.

I have always survived by my knowledge that I was different. This entire thing has shaken my identity up a little and poured it back out in a different form, I just have not figured out that form yet.

When you flaunt yourself in the face of all that you know and used to consider sacred, it is a nerve wracking experience to learn it did not matter anyway. So you are faced with either giving up and slipping into the stream and going with the tide of general populace or revamping your entire moral outrage repertoire. And on Gor that is just not as easy at it sounds.

I am numb.